If we are so connected, why are we lacking connection?
I hear a lot about how wonderful it is that with the advancements in technology in the era in which we live we are able to connect with others so much more than ever before. In fact, I have heard it touted that globally we are the most connected we have ever been. However, in my experience in working with individuals and groups, I hear the exact opposite, that humans are finding it hard to connect with each other and to find connection.
I think it is this distinction that is a very important one to make and that there is a difference between being “connected” and “connection”. To me, connection is so much more than how many friends I have on Facebook or how many followers on Instagram or even how many “connections” I have on LinkedIn. Small updates on what someone has been up to or what they are celebrating give me an insight into one aspect of their lives, albeit a filtered one.
Connection for me is understanding and sharing how you are “really” going. This involves spending intentional time, sharing stories and really listening to each other. In my experience, this is even more powerful when done in the physical presence of another, where you get to hear but also importantly “feel” the words being shared. A one or two line sentence in an email or message doesn’t nearly describe the depth and weight of all that I am feeling in the present moment and can often be filtered much like the posts on a social media feed to represent the “highlights reel” or paint things in a more positive light.
According to a report compiled by We Are Social, globally humans between 16 and 64 are spending on average 6 hours and 37 mins on the internet per day. While there are a number of other interesting statistics in this report one that intrigued me was 53.7% of these internet users reported the primary reason for using the Internet was to “stay in touch with family and friends” and 29% indicated that a primary use was for “meeting new people and making new connections”.
When I review these statistics a little closer to home I am heartened that in Australia the daily average time spent on the internet is slightly lower than the worldwide average at 5 hours and 51 minutes, this is still a significant amount of time on a device. Compare this with a report from November 2022 by KPMG that states that over a quarter of Australian’s are experiencing loneliness!
So this begs the question why are we feeling lonely if we are so connected?
For me, the answer lies somewhere in how and when we are using devices and the internet and the choices we are making. A couple of examples to illustrate this may be:
We choose to work from home when we could go into the office
We binge-watch series or movies on the couch after dinner rather than chat with our family
We jump on our phones while out with friends to check our messages, feeds and emails
It is statistics like those above that baffle me but also drive me to create opportunities for deeper conversations and the resulting connection. We all have a choice on how we engage not only with devices and the internet but how we show up when in the company of others.
Don’t get me wrong, I use the internet probably as much as the next person for work, education and sometimes just to zone out, and am most certainly guilty of participating in the examples above. But I am constantly striving to deepen the connections with those around me through conversation, quality and device-free time.
Conversations and real connection only happen if we make and allow time for them to occur.
So whether it is at work with your colleagues, at home with your family or hanging with your friends how can you deepen your connection? Challenge yourself to ditch the device even for a short time and spend time “really” connecting.