The Superpower of Listening
My first job out of university was working at an Acute Mental Health Inpatient Unit. This would be where people suffering acute psychosis and severe mental illness would be admitted when they were not functioning at home or within the community.
While I had experienced wards similar to this during my placements as a student this would be my first time as a clinician managing occupational therapy services independently. Needless to say, there was a fairly rapid learning curve in the first few months.
As a new graduate, support systems were in place and I attended regular supervision sessions with a more senior clinician. In these sessions, I was able to process and share some of what I was experiencing in order to manage not only my learning and growth but also my own mental health and wellbeing.
These sessions became critical in supporting me emotionally and mentally with the role. I had never experienced support from a counsellor or therapist before nor had I had a mentor or coach that would provide this type of one on one relationship.
I remember distinctly the supervisor I had at the time having this superpower-like ability to listen. Not only was she able to listen and offer support but I vividly remember being held and seen. I felt safe, supported and able to fully, and authentically share what I was experiencing particularly the things I found most challenging.
I have oftentimes revisited that memory and feeling and in numerous relationships, both personal and professional I have sought to embody the qualities of that supervisor particularly their ability to listen.
There is a humorous quote I heard somewhere that says “you have two ears and only one mouth, make sure you use them proportionally.” For me, this serves as a guide and inspiration for me when I am holding space for individuals or groups.
Communication is a two-way street and listening is definitely a necessary skill that ensures this reciprocal relationship works. When we are in the position of helping others to thrive and be the best they can be, listening becomes even more important.
In order for someone to feel seen and heard we have to be able to demonstrate that we are listening. But what does that actually look and feel like?
To powerfully hold space for another, listening is essential. The following are some things to think about and try out and practice for yourself. These are techniques that I have found to be useful and helpful to me over the years.
Ask a question and pause (even if it feels uncomfortable!)
Maintain eye contact
Connect to your heart and send compassion
Face the person directly with your whole body
Get on the same level vertically
Give audible and physical acknowledgements
Make it about them rather than about you - focus on listening rather than formulating your reply.
Listening is a critical skill to practice and develop if your intention is to support others to be the best they can be. Hopefully, some of these techniques are helpful whether they are new to you or serve as reminders of what you already do.
A friend and colleague of mine learnt early on in his journey working with groups a phrase that really resonates with me, “Seek first to understand, before being understood.” The only way to understand someone is to allow them to tell you their story, therefore it is essential that we listen.